Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
