My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
