Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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