You're so nebulous sometimes
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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