and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
