Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
