You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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