don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
