Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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