i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
