Whod you bang
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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