hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
