you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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