she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
