is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
