I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
