I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
