He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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