I wish I only lived at night.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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