We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
