end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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