Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
