I am midnight drunk by noon
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
