I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
