My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
