Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize