brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.