I puked a lego.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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