Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3