Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
