Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
