He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
