I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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