I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
