nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
