YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
