you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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