Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
