The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
