I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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