You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
