guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
