I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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