You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
