I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
