so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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