If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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