You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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