he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize