You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
