i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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