You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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