awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
