Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
