alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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