I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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