Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
