at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
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I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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