He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
