It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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