when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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