I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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