Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
