All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
