best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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