i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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