This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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