i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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