Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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