so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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