well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
