and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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